OUT OF THE CLOSET

I sometimes write about the beginnings of this Jewish life I am trying to live.  Today a piece I wrote this summer appears in the Orthodox Union magazine - called Shabbat Shalom.  It's about the day I made our home kosher.  It's pretty straightforward but for anyone who wonders how I can write about Patti Smith and observant Judaism in the same post, it will be interesting.  Actually, I'm pretty proud of it.  Here's a preview - then you can go read it.

October 18, 2006  I Have a Kosher Home 

Today I kashered my kitchen. Well, actually – a lovely Tunisian friend named Riadh and his catering team did the work. I just designated things milk, meat and parve and called the Rabbi to ask if I had to get rid of all my knives and whether you had to polish the silver before kashering it (you don’t.) Strange things happened. The idea of giving up my mother’s bread knife had me close to tears. The idea of never using my blue mugs (now dairy) when I served dinner on our white china (meat) made me angry. Was I sure – I asked myself – that this was the right decision – a commitment that, once made, I would honor as a matter of principle as well as faith

I wrote it because I was asked to - but it was valuable to have to describe something about our Orthodox life in concrete terms.  There's a 12 step saying "fake it til you make it."  I've discovered that it works well in a quest for faith too.  When Woody Allen said 90% (or 85 or 95 depending on the source) of life is just showing up." he was right.  If you're not there trying you aren't going to get very far.

So take a look and let me know what you think.  This has been an important passage for me and it flies in the face of the secular nature of the political and social circles in which I've always lived. So many people are moving in the other direction - Europe - always a place I felt supremely comfortable - is mostly secular now.  So is the progressive universe in which I spend most of my time.  Even so I feel a sense of peace that I haven't known before as I make my way slowly toward more and more observant living.  Probably part of the reason is that no one is pushing me -- my husband and I determine the speed and nature of our evolution and it's often not at precisely the same rate.  But we're getting where we need to go and learning to accept the discipline.  Our children have come, I think, to at least respect what we're doing; at the same time, we need to remember to respect their right to decide their own spiritual lives even if the decision differs radically from ours. 

That's enough.  Read the piece and comment here, will you?  I want to know how it looks from the outside.

Comments

[Joelle]

Hey Cindy!
Wow! We are so proud of you..what an amazing step to take and what a big decision to make!
We miss you terribly here in Berlin...will you ever come visit us again?
Love
Joelle and Josh (and kids)

[Carol]

Cindy--What a wonderful story--and how moving.Can't wait to hear more of this spiritual awakening--and finding a new, larger family.
Congratulations to you and Rick.

[Martha Flumenbaum]

Cindy,

I love your blog. I went to Israel the past two summers and I love it there. I want to move there. I want to become more religious too. You are an excellent role model to young women and a personal hero of mine. Love to Rick, Josh, and of course, Daniel.

Love, Martha

[Cynthia Samuels]

I don't know how to begin to thank those who have posted here as well as the many who have emailed responses. I feared it would just look peculiar to people and am moved to discover the interest, affection and understanding that comes with these responses. The world is a lovely place when it shows us all those with big, open hearts....

[MaryAnn Guerra]

Cindy,
Thanks for sharing this piece of your life with me. I found it inspiring to read and to see how change is having a positive infuence for both you and Rick. I admire your journey and guts. It is like we work our entire life to get back to who we are. Welcome home! May your wonderful journey continue and may we all benefit from it.

[Aimee Brown Price]

Dear Cindy, Did you know my middle son, Gabriel, works at the Orthodox Union after he became observant (very) and a Bal Tschuva, and his expertise (as a now ordained rabbi) is in Kashrut there for them (working at an institutional-industrial level, e.g., deciding whether certain rice products from India, for example, used for making by-products meet kosher requirements). How do you like that? Love, Aimée

[Nina Streich]

Hi Cindy,
Great to hear from you - I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog and also filling you in on what I've been up to lately. In the meantime, shortly after receiving your message I got a message from an uncle that just said to check out the story at this site:
http://haruth.com/mw/blintz.htm

As your blog is about your kosher home, I thought this would amuse you :)

My best to you and Rick,
Nina

[Isabelle]

I just loved your piece of writing which I read on the OU website before Shabbat last Friday. It is both beautiful and inspiring. Keep writing!

[Liza]

Cindy, you and I always make contact at exactly the right moment.

This was a beautifully written, moving story about a major milestone in your faith journey.

I am left with one question -- since I am obviously not in the main audience for the magazine -- I take it you did have to get rid of your knives? What did you do with your mother's bread knife?

Please go read my blog post from yesterday. I think I might be in the place where you and Rick were after that first Rosh Hashanah service. http://lizawashere.com/2006/10/22/church/

[Aliza]

Cindy,
Your wisdom and incredible perspective blow me away every time. Nobody else I've seen writes about Judaism the way you do. Thanks so much for enriching my life. Keep writing.

[Jill]

Oh Cindy,
That was so beautiful, as you are. I sent it to some others, including Rabbi Kosman.
Love you,
Jill

[Brooke Pollak]

Cindy,
I am so glad you wrote this article. You and Rick and the journey you have taken are true inspirations to Yossi and I, both on how we should think of our own spirituality and also the kind of impact a truly welcoming rabbi can have on people. We think of both of you all the time and wish you were in our shul. I miss always seeing you at shul - with your tabbed siddur helping newcomers find their place in the siddur and in the shul community generally. We are so proud of all you have accomplished and how you have done it with grace and thoughtfulness. We can't wait to eat in your home when we visit DC.
Missing you, Brooke

[Zahava]

Wow. You kasher your kitchen and I'm posting on a blog. There is a first time for everything. The article was lovely. Its a wake up call for people who sometimes take their Jewish identity and their kosher kitchens for granted.

I'd love to chat more, but right now the baby is crying. All the best - Zahava

[Tracy Gray]

Cindy, thank you for sharing your moving experience about joining a Jewish community that has embraced you and Rick. It is an inspiring story that gives me pause as I attempt to sort out my Jewish identify. Keep writing.

[alice sedar]

Cindy,

You wrote a beautiful and meaningful article. Finding ourselves is our journey while we're here no matter which path we take. You are looking for meaning through the warmth of a congregation. I'm not surprised. You were part of a generation, a community of people who cared and was involved in social justice. So joining a congregation that cares about people and meaning is perhaps a way to reconnect non only with your jewish values but above all with what you both stood for and believed in deeply.